Starting with me

Ok, Let us begin. I want this blog to be honest and real. I’m a straight talker. I don’t beat about the bush. I dont bs. Our interior choices speak volumes about who we are and our homes are extentions of our personalities, right? So, because my home is so bright and colourful, I must be the happiest person on earth right? Wrong.

I have my favourite colour blue in every room in my house (apart from my toilet and bathroom) which is apparently a calming and tranquil colour. Let me tell you, I’m many things, but calm and tranquil aren’t two of my better qualities!

It’s important you know where I came from. I don’t mean geographically, more, why I’m interested in Interior Styling in the first place. I’m 34 and have always thought my style was a bit weird. In my 20’s,  If I pointed something out that I liked in say, a shop, the reply from whoever I was with would always be the same. “Yes, It’s very you”. And I always took that as a bit of an insult. It was polite speak for “it’s not my cup of tea but whatever floats your boat”. But now, I take “it’s very you” as a compliment! It means that I have a recognised style, which yes, may be a bit different sometimes, but I now embrace ‘the weird’ more than fight it. It’s taken me a long time to figure out who I am, be comfortable in my own skin and discover what I actually like and I can’t say it’s always come naturally to me. I’ve never been one of those people who can just throw something together and it just looks effortlessly cool. And I constantly get it wrong!

So, here’s the thing. I’m here, writing this blog, as I quit my job in January. I’ve worked in Childcare for 17 long years in an array of different positions, from schools, to nurseries,to children’s centres, charities and cruise ships. I’ve done it all from babies to teens. Last year, my husband and I had IVF after years of unsuccessfully trying to conceive naturally, and it failed. I went back to work shortly after and I was a total zombie. It was as though I wasn’t fully present and I just couldn’t care like I used to.  I knew that my life working with children couldn’t continue. Going to work was a constant reminder of what I wasn’t able to achieve and I was absolutely miserable. It’s a cliché but on Dr’s orders (after a proper meltdown), I went on holiday to ‘find myself’ again, did A LOT of thinking, came home and handed in my notice. Simple as that.  The relief was amazing! I hadn’t acknowledged or appreciated how hard it was to work with kids every day whilst not being able to have them. It was daily, mental torture. When I quit, it’s like I’d released myself from all that anguish and pain. I could deal with infertility like a normal person! Not with it shoved down my throat each and every day. It was litreally a weight lifted.

So now being able to deal with my personal life in a healthier way, it left me wondering (well. Panicking) about what the crapping hell was I going to actually ‘do’ now I no longer ‘do’ childcare. My qualifications are in childcare. I have zero experience in anything else, minus my Saturday job working on the tills in Iceland when I was 15, although I’m not sure that counts.  So I asked myself, what am I good at? Tough question to answer for a person with surprisingly low self esteem. I thought, I’m OK at singing? Perhaps I could do weddings or something? But then I remembered that I am terrified of singing on my own in front of people. Slight glitch. I love photography and I guess I’m OK at that too but I couldnt really work out how that could make me any money when I’ve only got a shitty Cannon compact camera. So, a bit stuck, I threw the question out  to a few friends and they were like “DURRRR? Your house? Why is this even a question?”. It came as a shock to me, it really did. I’ll say it again, I always thought my house was a bit weird! I thought it was “very me” but not “very anyone else”. I didn’t really realise that other people actually liked it! But to my dismay, apparently they do! Mind blown 🔫💥

And so the story begins. I had a bunch of really supportive, encouraging people around me, telling me to do this. “Cease the day. What have I got to lose? You’ll never know what could happen unless you try”. Yada yada yada. So I’m going to go along with it.  Interior Styling I mean. I’m giving it a go! I trust those friends. They believe in me and eventually I think I may learn to do the same. So I’m currently creating new looks for two friends in their homes. One kitchen, one living room. (I’ll of course blog about their progress). I’ve signed up for a painting and decorating course. I’m blogging! *me? Blogging? As if!* And I’m basically starting to put some feelers out and see where it takes me. It’s exciting! I think?

It’s also quite scary to be professing to the world that “I can do this”, so I’m actually not going to. To say “I’m now an interior stylist” is a bit cringe for me. I’m not delusional! I’m just making an opportunity for myself because I’m unemployed! That’s pretty much it?! I’m OBVIOUSLY not an interior stylist. But what I am is someone who really enjoys styling my home and I’m going to transfer that joy I have by perhaps designing other people’s homes…. if they’d like me too! You say tomato, I say “I just like making rooms colourful and inviting”.  If I can turn this into a little job, something to fill my days and perhaps earn me some pocket money, fantastic! If not, a bunch of people in my life, husband included, have really lifted me up after a proper shit 12 months and given me the confidence to think that I’m good at something other than looking after other people’s sprogs. That’s something to be celebrated I reckon.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Starting with me

    1. My goodness, that must take incredible strength. Like you say, I can’t even imagine that one. I thought working in childcare was tough enough! That’s incredible. It takes a lot of emotional resilience just to put one foot in front of another, as you well know. Im sorry to hear you’ve had to endure 5 rounds. Good luck with number 6. I see your transfer date is on the 14th April. Well, That’s my Birthday so I like to think that that’s a sign! April the 14th is a good day👍 Best of luck x

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s